Simple Marriage #2 - Love Maps
We all know that marriage is not simple, but here are some simple ideas we can practice to help strengthen our connection with each other.
Does anyone out there remember traveling through a city or across the country with that large piece of origami called a map? I remember sitting in the passenger seat strategically folding it to show just the part of the image that I needed, because if I didn't, the spread out map would have filled the car! Then came the most marvelous invention..Map Quest! Now we could just print out directions for our trips and not have to carry an Atlas or map which also contained the five surrounding states. Of course, now we have these amazing devices called cell phones with map programs we can talk to. The material of the maps may have changed, but our need for them hasn't.
So what does this have to do with marriage? In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman tells us to enhance our love maps. A love map is "the term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life." It includes major events and histories as well as feelings and preferences (and much more). According to Gottman, "without such a love map, you can't really know your spouse."
Strengthening the Map
So how do we strengthen the map, so we feel more fully known and understood? Play a game, of course! With lots of laughter and gentle fun, can you answer the following questions about your spouse?
Who are your partner’s two closest friends?
What is your partner’s favorite getaway place?
What stresses is your partner facing right now?
What would your partner consider his or her ideal job?
What is your partner’s greatest fear?
Check your answers with your spouse and allow their answers to lead you to deeper and new conversations. (Want more questions? You can find some here.)
Fun Starter
For a date night idea, how about a movie marathon with ice cream sundaes. Don’t have time for a marathon? How about just one movie? (But don't forget the ice cream!!) No time for a movie? Make sure to grab your ice cream and watch Jim Gaffigan’s 10 minute take on weddings! (Though his language is pretty clean, sometimes there may be content that is not always appropriate for little ears!)
